"So where does intelligence come from?"
Asked Danny McPhea. as he downed the Guiness straight from the bottle.
"It comes from your roots, your genes."

"History, tradition, roots, thats what makes the man.
I've tracked down my genealogy on my mothers side.
Her family was all farmers, no great thinkers.
So my genius must come from my fathers side."

"I went over to Ireland last month, and found my great-grandmother,
Annie McPhea's grave. McPhea was her maiden name."

"Her epitaph read:

Annie McPhea
to her dying day
would not say."

"So I asked around in that little town.
My grandfather was a brilliant man,
red-headed, looked a lot like me."

"His father, it seems, came by one day.
Spent the night with the red-headed barmaid.
Woke up in the morning, ran screaming into the woods,
never to be seen again."

"Roots, I've got to find mine" said Danny McPhea,
as he downed another Guiness and winked at the
red-headed barmaid.
"I've invented a time machine.
I'm going to go back and see who comes into that bar."
As he smiled at the red-headed barmaid.

We humored poor Danny, and
the red-headed barmaid walked him home
at two in the morning.
About five the next day, in walks Danny McPhea.
"How'd it go with the red-headed barmaid?" I asked.

Danny McPhea pointed down below.

"Roots, that's my roots.
The red-headed barmaid was quite a lay!
She didn't say untill the very next day.
That her name was--
Annie McPhea!"
"Roots, I don't have any!
I'm me own great-grandfather!"

by James Wilson
04-21-07